The Cupid Shuffle
by appositive
Summary: An iPod shuffle story chocked full of crack pairings! It's one continuous story throughout the different songs.
1. Heart Breaks

**The Cupid Shuffle  
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**A/N:** I thought I'd try my hand at an iPod shuffle story. But when I do things with lots of prompts, I what I really like to do is mush them into one really convoluted plot. So, enjoy this seriously messed up story.

The chapters are in the order I wrote them in, not sequential order. So, it's kind of like this story's on shuffle! Ha ha ha.

This works better if you listen to the songs as you read. Sorry if you hate these songs…

* * *

><p><strong>Gone – Kelly Clarkson<strong>

Tamaki lay draped across the couch with half-closed eyes. His breathing was ragged, and a slight moan escaped his lips from time to time.

"Stop over-reacting, you big baby." Kyōya didn't even glance up from his laptop as he criticized his friend from across the room.

"I'm not a baby! She broke my heart! Threw it against a wall, shattered it, and stomped on the pieces!"

"You mean Haruhi dumped you." Kyōya sighed, finally saving his work and shutting the expensive computer. "Get over her. You do realize that she never really loved you, right?"

"WHAT? !" Tamaki's jaw hit the floor. He closed his mouth and shook his head, steadfastly sticking with denial.

"It's true," Kyōya stated, reading the blonde's mind. "She just wanted to go out with you for the money."

Tamaki locked eyes with his best friend. Kyōya would never lie to him. Well, maybe sometimes. But he could tell that the demonic boy was telling the truth now. Suddenly, his pocket dinged. The text read, _Sorry, bby. Take me back? Meet me the mall in 1 hr? XO, Haru_.

In one swift motion, Tamaki hit the delete key.

* * *

><p><strong>Alone – Avril Lavigne<strong>

Haruhi's head spun as Tamaki rambled on for minute number seventy-two. And yes, she was keeping track. The girl had thought that Tamaki would make a good boyfriend – sweet, nice, and, above all, rich. Love had nothing to do with it. Haruhi really didn't like anyone, boy or girl, so really it wasn't that bad that she was dating someone she had exactly zero feelings for.

But she had forgotten one thing: Tamaki's an absolute idiot. And then there was the blab factor.

Someone was about to get dumped on his sorry ass.

* * *

><p><strong>Ebay – Weird Al Yankovic<strong>

Tamaki was so over Haruhi. So, so, so over her. Yup. Totally.

No, he was still devastated. He wasn't about to get back together with her, but he his heart still hadn't quite healed.

Someone needed a treat. So, Tamaki allowed himself to spend his meager (for a rich kid) savings on a shopping spree! But he was far too depressed to leave the house. So, much to Kyōya's amusement, he logged onto his eBay account, and started clicking away.

Oooooh, a teddy bear buddy for Kuma-chan for only two fifty-nine. Oh, and a rare Charizard Pokémon card! That's the one card he needed to complete his collection! Hey, look, a Norwegian seller. Oh, Tamaki had to buy something _Norwegian_!

Kyōya put a hand over his friend's. "Tamaki, you should stop now."

"Nooo!" The blonde was clearly addicted. So, Kyōya did what a good friend should: he pulled the plug to Tamaki's computer.

* * *

><p><strong>Can I Have a Kiss – Kelly Clarkson<strong>

Kyōya stared at his crying friend. Suddenly, he was overcome with the urge to press their heads together in a – kiss? ! What the _hell_? !

He had a crush on his best friend. _Kyōya_ liked _Tamaki_. Suddenly, the evidence from the past fell into place, like pieces of a puzzle. Why he enjoyed staring at Tamaki so much. Why he did everything the boy asked from him. Why they were even friends, for crying out loud! What that funny feeling in his stomach he felt every time he saw Tamaki was…

Kyōya wanted to relieve Tamaki from his pain. He wanted to give his best friend a present from deep in his heart – a kiss. However, it was just too risky. Kyōya just couldn't go through with his heart's desire.

* * *

><p><strong>When You're Gone – Avril Lavigne<strong>

Kyōya hated the days when Tamaki and Haruhi skipped the host club to go out on a date. It made him feel immature and…lonely. Even though his best friend was an idiot, Kyōya found himself missing the childish brat.

On days such as that, Kyōya would stare at a blank computer screen, mind equally blank. And then it would hit him – all those images suddenly finding their way into his head at the same time. Tamaki and Haruhi holding hands. Tamaki and Haruhi hugging. Tamaki and Haruhi laughing. Tamaki and Haruhi kissing. Tamaki and Haruhi. Tamaki and Haruhi.

What was this suffocating feeling that took over his mind? Kyōya couldn't quite place it, as he had certainly never felt anything like it before…

* * *

><p><strong>Fences – Paramore<strong>

In all the years Tamaki had attended Ouran Academy, he had never had a girlfriend. And boy, was it overrated. When he and Haruhi sat on a bench in the garden, talking and holding hands, girls stared. Some even squealed. Then they started the whispering. Tamaki couldn't take it. He felt like he was center stage, with the spotlight trained on him, when really he just wanted a quiet moment alone with his girl.

All the while, Tamaki smiled and laughed, pretending to have a wonderful time with Haruhi. After all, he really did love her. He didn't want rumors that he hated her tearing them apart. Besides, Haruhi was perceptive. She would sense that something was wrong.

But she didn't. Because even though Tamaki was dying of mortification on the inside, he was the image of a caring boyfriend on the outside.

But one person wasn't fooled. Kyōya Ootori frowned as he glanced at the uncomfortable couple in the garden.

* * *

><p><strong>Nobody's Home (Acoustic) – Avril Lavigne<strong>

Tamaki was not dealing with the break up very well. Even though he knew that Haruhi had never loved him, that she had just been using him, he wanted things to go back to the way they were. He wanted to go back to her awaiting arms.

But her arms weren't waiting for Tamaki. Haruhi had already moved on, and was dating Mori now. And Tamaki was left in the dust, his heart hollow. He had no one to turn to, nowhere to go. He had been rejected, and he just couldn't make himself fit back into his old life. Things would never be the same as the way they were before Tamaki had started dating Haruhi. He needed something – some_one_ – to fill in that empty gap in his heart.

Kyōya stood by, watching his love slowly die. He knew that Tamaki needed him, but things could never go back to the way they were before Kyōya realized that he loved the boy.

He could never be there for Tamaki again. And it hurt.

* * *

><p><strong>These Peoples Try to Fade Me – Coach Z<strong>

Tamaki couldn't take it anymore. He was lost and confused. When he tried to reach out to Kyōya, the boy just turned his head the other way.

So, Tamaki had to learn to depend on someone else. Nekozawa seemed appropriate at the time. Later, Tamaki questioned what in the world he had been thinking, but it seemed right at the time.

Tamaki asked the dark boy for some pills. "What for?" Nekozawa asked scarily. "I just got a shipment of pills that turn you into a cat."

"Uh, no." Tamaki's reply was of one who sheepishly knew he was in the wrong. "I kinda wanted some pills…to get…high?" He ended it as a question.

Nekozawa shook his head as he gave the blond what he wanted. "These are really strong," he warned, "and slightly magical."

The first high was the worst. He lay on his bed, groaning and staring at the pretty colors swirling on his white ceiling. He imagined that people were trying to "fade" him, whatever that meant. He saw laser crabs running around his bed, shooting at him and barely missing. Once, the lasers hit him, he started screaming. "Doctor Sweet! I need Doctor Sweet! I have the grown-up beats! Ahhhh! A bomb!" he called his best friend to warn him about the impending doom of the WMD.

* * *

><p><strong>What the Hell – Avril Lavigne<strong>

Haruhi had given up on trying to love Tamaki. It hadn't worked anyhow. She never really loved him. So, she tried for a different goal. She would try to get together with as many boys as possible. She'd go on a few dates, use their money, and before they knew what hit them, she'd be gone.

Mori was first on the list. Good old dependable Mori. Caring, silent, and, best of all, trusting. Too bad Haruhi was no longer a trustworthy character.

The first date, a trip to the mall, went as planned. The girl was ready to whine to get Mori to buy her everything she wanted, but, to her surprise, he did so without her even asking. It was as if Mori knew her more than she knew herself. …The thought unsettled Haruhi, and she shivered down to her stomach.

On the next date, a trip to a fancy restaurant that served plenty of crab and fancy tuna, Haruhi found comfort in Mori's constant silence. When he walked her to her door, Mori took Haruhi by surprise, kissing her goodbye. Haruhi surprised herself even more. When Mori broke away from the kiss, Haruhi pulled him back in, kissing long and passionately. After breaking apart, the two exchanged a meaningful glance, and Mori escorted the girl back to his limo.

The next morning, Haruhi woke up in Mori's bed. Her senses came rushing back to her all at once. What the _fuck_ had she just gotten herself into? ! Her head was confused, but her heart pounded with warmth. Was this what love truly felt like?

* * *

><p><strong>Fly – Hilary Duff<strong>

Kyōya rushed over to Tamaki's house. However, by the time he arrived, Tamaki was fast asleep. Kyōya crawled in bed next to his friend, and thought.

He wanted to take a chance, he realized. He wanted to tell Tamaki his feelings, no matter what the consequences.

The next morning, Kyōya's confession led him to experience a feeling like no other. He felt so light, it was like he was flying, soaring over his doubt and uncertainty. Finally, the weight sitting in his chest was gone.

_Any moment, everything can change._

Tamaki smiled and ruffled his friend's hair. "Aww, that's so sweet, Mommy."

Yup, Kyōya sure was soaring. He had taken a risk and it had worked!

Then it hit Tamaki. "Ooh, you mean as Mommy and Daddy, not as friends."

Kyōya nodded uncertainly. _Damn! The uncertainty was back! _And just like that, Kyōya crash-landed back into reality. He sat on the edge of the bed, teetering with Tamaki's every word.

"Kyōya, that's really sweet, but I'm straight." Or so he thought.

He was reentering the Earth's atmosphere and being set aflame. He was burning up with shame and embarrassment.

"However! I'm glad you told me that. It's okay that you're gay. I love you anyway. As a best friend, of course." He leaned in and hugged Kyōya.

Kyōya reached temperatures never before recorded.

"I'll help you find a boyfriend that's ten times better than me! And I won't stop searching until I find him! All right, Kyōya?"

Kyōya nodded, mouth dry, though his insides were screaming, _NO!_ He thought miserably, _What have I gotten myself into? ! I don't want anyone else! I want you!_


	2. Get Togethers

**Beautiful Disaster – Kelly Clarkson**

Hunny watched from the back of the room, clinging to Usa-chan. _Kyōya's a wreck_, the small boy observed. _I wish I could save him._

Hunny just wanted to help him, but Kyōya seemed too far gone. He seemed like he needed time to heal his broken heart. As tempting as it was, Kyōya didn't need a boyfriend right now. He needed to find himself.

Why did Kyōya have to be so beautiful? ! Such a beautiful disaster? ! Hunny wanted him, and he wanted him now. Especially with Mori preoccupied with Haruhi. Hunny didn't want to be alone anymore. He wanted Kyōya _now_.

But he couldn't have Kyōya now. And could he have him ever?

Hunny slumped down in his chair. Mori didn't even notice, as he was silently flirting with his girlfriend. _So…alone…_

* * *

><p><strong>Hero in Me – Emily Osment<strong>

Hunny had decided. He would be Kyōya's hero, his savior.

"Um, hey, Kyo-chan."

The object of his affections moaned. "Could you pester me later, Hunny? I'm really not in the mood."

Hunny slumped slightly, but didn't let it get him down for long. _I'm a hero!_ he assured himself. "No, Kyo-chan! We need to talk! Now!"

"Look, you want cake? I keep it in the second drawer on the left. Help yourself." Kyōya didn't even mind revealing his secret sweets hiding place. Anything to get Hunny to bug off.

"You look!" Hunny lowered his voice. "I know you have a broken heart. And I wanna help you heal it." _I'm a hero. I'm a hero. I'm a hero._

"I don't see what you could possibly do to – mmph!" Kyōya was cut off when Hunny kissed him on the lips.

* * *

><p><strong>Liberty Walk – Miley Cyrus<strong>

Hikaru had been holding back from his true potential. He was so clingy, wanting to do everything together. Really, Kaoru wanted to be his own man. He was tired of their act, too. He didn't want to pretend that his heart belonged to his twin, because it really belonged to someone else.

But he'd need help.

Other than Hikaru, Kaoru's best friend was Nekozawa. It had all started when Kaoru needed other worldly help with a prank, but that was another story. Presently, Kaoru walked over to his friend's dark house.

"Oh, Kaoru. What brings you here?"

"I want to be free."

* * *

><p><strong>All I Ever Wanted – Kelly Clarkson<strong>

It had already been a month since Tamaki had rejected Kyōya. And Kyōya still wasn't over it. He wanted to get over Tamaki so badly.

But more than that, he wanted Tamaki himself. All to himself.

And then there was Hunny. Why the hell had he kissed him? ! Could it be that the club's Lolita harbored a crush for the scheming boy?

Hey – could this be Kyōya's way out of his endless pit of despair?

No, it couldn't. Kyōya wanted Tamaki, and no other.

* * *

><p><strong>Can't be Tamed – Miley Cyrus<strong>

Kaoru had a new attitude. He was more conceited. He had a guy, and that gave him confidence. He was careless, wild, and, unfortunately for Hikaru, spoke his mind.

"I'm not yours, Hikaru. And there's nothing you can do about it." Kaoru smirked.

What Hikaru said next wiped that smirk straight off his twin's face. "I know. You're going out with Nekozawa, right?"

Kaoru gaped.

"Hey, I'm not an idiot. I saw you go to his house, like, every other day in the past week. I knew something was going on. And since you're gay…"

"I'm not gay, I'm bi!"

"…Right. And that's why everyone you've ever had a crush on is a guy."

"How do you know that? !"

"I read your diary."

Kaoru blushed deeply. Suddenly, he was significantly less wild and confident. He had just been tamed.

"Yeah, I thought so."

* * *

><p><strong>Canadian Idiot – Weird Al Yankovic<strong>

"Why won't you go out with me, Kyo-chan?" Hunny pestered for the million and first time.

"Uh, well, you see," Kyōya stalled. Hunny had rebutted just about every excuse Kyōya could come up with. Apparently, the little boy was a lot smarter than he looked, especially when he wanted something. "Because…you're Canadian. I hate Canadians."

"But Kyo-chan, I'm _not_ Canadian!"

"That's just what a Canadian would say," Kyōya responded seriously.

"Kyo-chan, stop pretending and realize that you love me!"

"I DON'T LOVE YOU!" Kyōya practically shouted. Scratch that, he did shout.

Hunny stared at him long and hard. Tell you the truth, it actually made Kyōya nervous. "Yes, you do."

"FINE! I'll go out with you already! Just leave me alone!"

"Okay, sweetie-pie!" Hunny leaned in and kissed his new boyfriend.

To Kyōya's utter horror, he _liked_ it.

* * *

><p><strong>I Just Wanna Run – The Downtown Fiction<strong>

Though Hikaru played it off like it was nothing, it really bothered him deeply that Kaoru no longer wanted to be with him. He didn't want to do their act together, he didn't want to sit next to him at lunch, he didn't want to work on that history project together.

So, Hikaru decided that he'd get away from it all. Even seeing Kaoru in the bedroom next to him was upsetting. Hikaru was running away from home.

"Hey, boss."

"Yeah, Hikaru."

"Can I stay over at your place for a while?"

Tamaki sighed. "Did you and Kaoru get in a fight?"

"…Kinda."

"Aw, come on, you can tell Daddy!"

Hikaru silently cursed his boss out for calling himself "Daddy." Tamaki was so much more to Hikaru. "No, you don't want to know."

Tamaki leaned in closer. "Yes, I do. I just recently got over some big, emotional breakdown. But I'm better now! And I can help you get better, too!"

Sigh. "Fine. Kaoru doesn't need me anymore, and it…hurts…" Hikaru started crying, and Tamaki pulled him into a comforting hug.

"I'll help you run away, Hikaru. And I promise things will turn out okay."

* * *

><p><strong>So Yesterday – Hilary Duff<strong>

Kyōya was completely and entirely _over_ Tamaki. He was _so yesterday_. Kyōya had moved on.

And moved into Hunny.

Hunny was like Kyōya's other half. He completed him. When Kyōya was serious, Hunny was playful. Mature vs. innocent. Sullen vs. exuberant. They complimented each other perfectly.

In fact, Kyōya was so cured that he couldn't even see what he had liked about Tamaki. Because of this, their friendship suffered deeply. Kyōya completely rejected any attempts Tamaki made to restore said friendship. The raven-haired boy claimed, "I'm okay, but if you keep pushing me, I'll become not okay. Okay, Tamaki?"

"Huh?"

"Basically, shut up and go away."

"…Oh."

* * *

><p><strong>Why Not – Hilary Duff<strong>

Tamaki liked to listen to his heart. His heart was telling him that losing Kyōya was worse than losing Haruhi. But it was also telling him to let go of Kyōya and take a crazy chance with Hikaru.

Taking Kyōya's and Hikaru's mindsets into account, Tamaki chose the latter. Within the month, Tamaki had lost his virginity. However, instead of being happy, Tamaki felt surprisingly…empty. And, unbelievably and in secret, he thought of Kyōya in bed.

Had Tamaki taken the wrong crazy chance?

* * *

><p><strong>Girlfriend – Avril Lavigne<strong>

The day after he lost his virginity, Tamaki broke Hikaru's heart. It was clear that he did have a crush on Kyōya, but it just hadn't registered until now. It was also _very_ clear that he was bi.

So, Tamaki walked up to Kyōya in the middle of the host club. He broke into song. "Hey, hey, you, you, I don't like your girlfriend!" Tamaki sang unsteadily and in a cracked voice.

"I don't have a girlfriend," Kyōya replied coldly. "I have a boyfriend."

"No way, no way, I think you need a new one! Hey, hey, you, you, I could be your girlfriend!"

At this point, Kyōya couldn't help himself. He cracked up. "Okay, okay, Tamaki. We can be friends again. Just do me a favor and _never sing again_."

"Hey! I'm better than that! I was just nervous!" Tamaki whined.

"And I got it all on camera," Hikaru chimed in, still bitter over the break-up.

* * *

><p><strong>SOS – Rihanna<strong>

Although it was called the _senior_ prom, couples of all ages were invited. Tamaki and Kyōya went as friends, smiling at each other stupidly the whole time, glad to have saved their friendship, although each one wanted something more from their relationship. Mori and Haruhi spent the entire dance making out in the corner of the auditorium. Nekozawa surprised Kaoru with the fact that he knew how to "bust a move," as the commoners called it. No one knows how Hunny and Hikaru got together, but they were a truly awkward couple, neither one really in love with the other. At all.

As a prank, Kaoru and Nekozawa cast a love charm on Hunny. He was immediately enamored with the other twin. He twirled Hikaru around on the dance-floor, flirted to no end, and ended the night with a kiss. It was very romantic, except for the fact that Hikaru had absolutely zero romantic feelings for the boy.

"SOS! Please, someone help me! …Please?" Hikaru pleaded to his twin.

Kaoru just laughed.


End file.
